*Wipes cobwebs off website*
I’ve been sitting on this post for a while, and thought what the hell, why not post it on my 25th birthday… Or a few hours before. Same thing. Potato, tomato.
Good Lord, 25? Already? What the…*insert expletive*
I wanted to write a letter to my younger self, and as weird as it sounds, I think it’s so that my 25-year-old self can see how far I’ve come. I’ve always been one of those people who loved celebrating their birthday – I loved having one day a year where it got to be all about me. And why not? I’m pretty awesome.
But if I reflect back on the last year, I realize that it has not been easy. I’ve fallen more times than I’ve stood up, cried more than I’ve laughed, and had more losses than victories. And I’m here to say that it’s OKAY.
Last year this time I was on a plane flying home from New York. I fell in love for the first time, and it was the moment I realized that I no longer belong in South Africa. Weird right? To feel like you’re home is no longer your home? For me, it was somewhat of a revelation, the first of many. It was also the first time I felt that my birthday was just another day, and that it doesn’t matter as much to other people that it does to me. That’s okay too. It’s the sucky part of getting older. Turning 24 was a dud, despite being in one of my favorite places in the whole world, but I learned to accept it – like many other things I had to accept because I had no other choice.
Approaching 25 has been….interesting…. While most of the people I grew up with are off getting married, engaged, or having babies (not necessarily in that order), I decided to go back to school. I’ve spent many nights wondering if there is something wrong with me because my life is not taking that same direction, and that in itself spurred on some life-long insecurities. Eventually, I thought FUCK IT, and decided that I’m going to do things MY way instead of feeling pressure to be who ‘society’ thinks I should be. Sounds simple right? Not so much.
I wish I knew a year ago, what I know today, and isn’t that how it always goes? They say hindsight is 20/20 and I guess it is. So here’s what I learned… (or accepted.)
- Big Girl Panties are overrated. In fact, underwear in general is overrated. Save yourself the time, and go commando.
- I’m single. I like being single (for now) because I have the freedom to do what the fuck I want when I want. Go me.
- I’m at that age where I don’t answer to ANYONE. I pay my own bills (Side note: My mom occasionally buys me groceries, but that’s because she seems to think I don’t eat. My scale says otherwise, but whatever.)
- People are assholes. This isn’t exactly new, but still. People suck.
- If I end up being a crazy dog lady, then so be it. Dogs don’t judge. Dog’s don’t hate. And I love my boys, so there.
- I write dirty books, and I LOOOOOVE it. Sorry Mom, guess that cats’ out of the bag. Now everyone knows.
- I love writing – and I will never stop – but I want more. That “more” is not in South Africa.
- I met someone who inspired me to change my life. (No, I won’t mention a name, but I hope he knows how grateful I am that our paths crossed in Houston.)
- Dreams change. Goals get bigger. You work harder. It’s that simple.
- It’s just another birthday – one that will take a backseat to rugby games, and Father’s Day. And that leads me to my next point…
- My Mom is the most amazing woman in my life. Period.
- The people you love will disappoint you more than you thought possible. Again. Only this time it will hurt less because you’ll see it coming.
- Your life? Is all about you now. Do you. Don’t apologize. (Especially not for saying “fuck” too much).
Am I ready for what this new year will bring? Who the fuck knows. Am I scared? Abso-fucking-lutely. BUT, I know what I want. I know who I want to be. I know it won’t be easy. And I know that another year from now, I’ll look back and realize it was all worth it.
SO, happy birthday to me. (Well, almost)
P.S You’re a legend.